


Practically Joking

by handschuhmaus



Series: Rogues and Ramblers: Tales from the World(s) of Star Wars Rebels [5]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Back to the Future References, Dialogue Heavy, Episode s01e05 Breaking Ranks, Gen, I gave them a shiny casing filled with used pinball machine parts, Lasan, Late Night Writing, Nonbinary Character, This is heavy, as in this isn't actually funny or joking, it goes back to Lasan, jokes between friends, semi-disloyal sentiments, used podracing parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handschuhmaus/pseuds/handschuhmaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was Kallus going to do with <strike>secondhand</strike> used podracer parts? Not <em>that</em>, that wasn't funny in the first place...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Practically Joking

**Author's Note:**

> This was of course inspired by Back to the Future. And the OC is totally a GFFA analogue of none other than Emmett Brown. Yep.

"Hey," Kallus said into the voice recorder, before losing some of his nerve and hesitating to think about what he wanted to say. "You old--Emmett, I _know_ you--" The receiver clicked.

"Hello?" said a voice on the other end.

"I--Emmett, I _know_ it was you, sending the kid round with--used podracer parts. Yeah, great--joke--" the agent guffawed nervously.

There was silence on the other end of the line for several long moments before a reply came. "No-no, Kallus, I _didn't_ ," Emmett replied.

"Oh, come on, own up to it, old mate, the kid came around with 'used podracer parts'--well, he _was_ a cadet, actually. I _know_ that sounds like you."

"Sounds like me, maybe," ey replied, carefully, with none of his levity, "but it wasn't. Are you sure the _kid_ wasn't playing a trick on his own initiative?"

"Well, no, okay, but why else could--c'mon, _used_ podracer parts, what else would _I_ want with _podracer_ parts?" Kallus sobered abruptly. "It's not like... Lasan." He stroked his whiskers contemplatively.

Now it was Emmett whose levity verged on inappropriate, "Not there, huh?"

"--No. That really wasn't funny, you know."

"Sure it was. Maybe not to your superiors, but you've got to have some humor sometimes, even in war."

"You know, I'd actually managed to _forget_ how much of a headache that was, Emmett," Kallus noted, both irritation and a pain in his temples beginning to plague him. "And--I'm not saying the Lasats _were_ , well, easy to--anything other than savage guerillas, but _you forced my hand._ "

"That's not the way I remember it," Emmett said mildly.

"Then how _do_ you remember it?" Kallus demanded.

"Well, not to cast aspersions on your loyalty, but you thought it actually might alter their opinions, you know. As I remember, you told me maybe it didn't _need_ to be a massacre."

Kallus let out a long huffing breath. "Well, it _did_ , shortly thereafter."

"Really?" Emmett inquired coldly, tone conveying both disappointment and skepticism. "I don't believe that. _I_ " ey stated self-assuredly, "consider being threatened with a shiny casing actually full of assorted small podracing parts neither encouragement nor deterrent."

"No," Kallus said bitterly, "you wouldn't. And now you've cost one of my underlings--and potentially me--a black mark on his record!" he accused, uncertain of why he was blaming his old friend.

"How do you figure that?" ey asked, suddenly puzzled. "Did you _really_ get reprimanded for a cadet offering podracer parts to you? I don't see as that was your fault at all."

"Damn, no--okay, it wasn't, actually--he was the one that almost saved the walker, but I'm sure it had _something_ to do with the whole thing," Kallus suddenly speculated, wheels turning in his head.

"How's that?" Emmett asked, letting eir weariness show in eir voice. "How would they even know about our old joke anyway?"

"I don't--" Kallus began, and suddenly blenched. "Well, if he did-- _that_ is hardly a proud chapter in my history."

"Right," ey agreed, though the agent suspected their respective reasonings were quite different.

"--So," he tried to recover, remembering the niceties that normally would have gone after they'd finished laughing over the old joke again, if that hadn't gone wrong, "how have you been?"

"Fine," ey said, and there was a slight rustling noise that made him think ey was gesturing on the other end. "They don't give me destructive assignments any longer, you know. I'll sure as hell _protect_ our men, but I got tired of abetting in the slaughter of civilians long ago. About the time of Lasan, actually."

"How dare you?!" Kallus responded to eir phrasing.

"Oh, I know, you don't agree. We can discuss it some other _time_ , Kallus, I need a clear head. So long," and an instant thereafter ey hung up.

"You need a--" the agent repeated under his breath. To the room, he said, "So do I, and did ey think about _that_? No!" Sighing, he stroked his whiskers and considered how he might slightly vary their immaculate grooming, as a more agreeable topic than continuing unwelcome reminiscences about incidents on Lasan.

**Author's Note:**

> ...One of the sets of Spivak pronouns (ey/em/eir/eirs/emself, though not all these forms appear) was used here for Emmett.


End file.
